STRENGTHEN YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH LETTER-WRITING

In her blog post, Thinking About Friends, our friend Karyn Flynn wrote, “perhaps the truest measure of success in life is having great friendships.”  She cites that the top reasons for having friends are less loneliness and social isolation, reduced stress, emotional support, personal development, a sense of belonging, and support through challenges. She writes, “I like to think of the people as planets, sometimes they are in your orbit and sometimes maybe they are not. The benefit of this is you make room for new friends, as we only have so much time and energy for meaningful relationships.” Lastly, she writes,  “I like to remind myself when it comes to friends - it is quality over quantity!”

Read her full blog post here.  

As we’ve mentioned before, hand-written letters can be a great way to deepen relationships.  They are intimate and allow you to share things that you might not share via text or on social media. 

You can use National Letter-Writing Month and the WRITE_ON Challenge to take stock of and strengthen your current friendships, and strengthen the ones that are most important to you. 

Step 1.

Make a list of your best friends. How have they made your life better? What have you learned from them?  How have they encouraged you, raised your bar, and accepted you for who you are?  Some might be old friends. Some might be new. 

Step 2.

Track down their snail mail addresses, and share yours.  Send a quick email or DM like this:

Hi friend!

How are you?  I’ve been thinking of you and would love to know your current snail mail address.  Mine is: 

Step 3. 

Add the addresses to your letter-writing list.

You can even set up a pen-pal relationship with a friend. To keep it manageable, we suggest offering to exchange a set number of letters, say one letter a week during National Letter-Writing Month.

Good luck, and happy letter-writing!

Hack Your Letter-Writing Habit: Use a Habit Tracker

Tracking your habits is a fantastic way to keep tabs on your letter-writing and give yourself kudos of a job well done!  It’s especially helpful if you’re participating in our 30 Letters in 30 Days Write_On Challenge.   You can download our habit tracker here.

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #10: Use a Habit Tracker

Follow these tips from James Clear’s ATOMIC HABITS:

• Mark each day that you complete your habit

• Keep your habit streak and “don’t break the chain”

• Never miss twice. When you forget to do a habit, get back on track immediately

Good luck with your letter-writing habit and please share your progress with us at #WRITE_ON!

Hack Your Letter-Writing Habit: Make it Satisfying

To make your letter-writing habit stick, make it enjoyable! Luckily, the world of stationery is FULL of satisfying stuff to explore – from note pads to decorative paper to a dazzling array of pens, stickers, stamps, and more!  

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #9: Make it Satisfying

Here are just a few ways you can make your letter-writing habit super satisfying:

• Choose cards that you love, that make you laugh, or that are hand-crafted

• Indulge in a special pen, such as a rollerball or fountain pen

• Get creative with colored pens, gel pens, brush pens, or highlighters

• Add stickers or rubber stamps to your letters

• Buy decorative postage stamps

• Experiment with cool hand-lettering techniques

• Design your own cards

• Learn calligraphy

• Use a letter to send a small gift, like a sticker or iron-on patch

• Give yourself a reward for writing a letter – it can be something you love, or share it on social media at #WRITE_ON to join a community of like-minded letter-writers!

What makes you excited to send snail mail?

Hack Your Letter-Writing Habit: Use the Two-Minute Rule

Hand-written notes don’t have to be long to be meaningful.  Keep it short and sweet to make it manageable. Writing a short thank you note is better than none at all!

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #8: Use the 2-minute rule

Downscaling your habit makes it less daunting. Here’s how you can write a thank you note in 2 minutes or less:

• Before you start writing, search “what to write in a thank you note” or “inspirational quotes about gratitude” – use the suggestions to get you going!

• Set a timer for 2 minutes, and start writing.  

• (Hopefully you followed our previous tips by having a stash of thank you notes, pens, and stamps on hand so you don’t need to spend time looking for them!)

• Leave your outgoing mail in your mailbox – you don’t need to find a blue mailbox or go to the post office!

Hack Your Letter-Writing Habit: Automate with Tech and One-Time Purchases

Letter-writing might feel like the opposite of automation, but according to ATOMIC HABITS, you can still use technology and one-time purchases to automate your habits and lock in your future behavior.

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #6: Automate with Tech

1. Keep a spreadsheet of addresses. If you’re starting from scratch, set up a form to automatically put addresses into a spreadsheet. Send it with a quick email or text to your people:

 Hi! I’m updating my snail mail contacts.Can you please share your current address here [link to form]?

2. Put birthdays and major milestones of your favorite people in your calendar

3. Make an appointment in your calendar to write a card one week advance 

4. Use the internet to source ideas for what to write in a thank you note, on a birthday card, etc., or to find a good quote or question to prompt a longer letter

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #7: Use One-Time Purchases

1. Buy cards in bulk for every occasion from your favorite cardmakers 

2. Buy a box of pens you like to write with

3. Buy stamps in bulk

Hack Your Letter-Writing Habit: Make it Easy

The second law of habits in James Clear’s ATOMIC HABITS is: Make it Easy.  The less friction there is between you and your letter-writing, the easier it will be to sit down and write. Here are a few things you can do:

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #5:  Decrease the Number of Steps

Letter-writing can feel like a big lift compared to writing a text or email.  You need to:

1. Remember the person’s birthday or milestone

2. Remember to make time a week in advance to write a card

3. Find the person’s address

4. Buy a card or paper

5. Find a pen that you like

6. Buy a stamp

7. Write the letter

8. Address the envelope

9. Stamp the letter

10. Mail the letter

Phew! That’s a lot. To make it easier, reduce the number of steps:

1. Keep a list of addresses of your favorite people to save time tracking them down. Use our letter-writing list here.

2. Keep a stash of cards for every occasions at your letter-writing station so you don’t need to buy a card on the fly

3. Buy a box of pens you like to write with, and a roll of stamps

4. Print return address labels, or get a self-inking stamp made with your return address to save time when addressing envelopes

5. Pre-address and stamp envelopes of people you know you’re going to write to regularly

6. Leave your outgoing mail in your mailbox instead of going to the post office

A little planning goes a long way to making letter-writing easy, fast, and fun!

You’re a Good Letter-Writer. Now Prove it to Yourself with Small Wins

In ATOMIC HABITS, author James Clear talks about the importance of building an identity-based habit, such as being a good letter-writer (see our previous post).

The next step is to prove this identity to yourself with small wins. Clear recommends doing this by setting up systems (rather than just setting goals) that follow these four laws:

1. Make it obvious

2. Make it attractive

3. Make it easy

4. Make it satisfying

The first step is to assess your current habit.  How often do you write hand-written notes to say thank you, celebrate milestones, or deepen relationships?  It’s okay if you don’t do it often – we live in a digital world that is full of distractions. But it’s never too late to start!

Once you’ve done that, you’re ready to hack your letter-writing habit.

The First Law: Make it Obvious

The first law of habit formation is to Make it Obvious. Here are a few ways to do this.

Letter-writing Habit Hack #2:  Make an Implementation Intention Statement

An implementation intention statement goes like this:  “I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].”

Examples:

• I will WRITE A THANK YOU NOTE within 1 DAY of receiving a significant act of kindness (e.g. time, money, a gift, hosting a meal) AT MY DESK.

• I will SEND A BIRTHDAY CARD within 1 WEEK IN ADVANCE of the birthday AT MY DESK.

• I will WRITE A LETTER TO MY GRANDMOTHER on the FIRST OF EVERY MONTH, AFTER BREAKFAST, AT MY DESK.

What is your implementation intention statement?

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #3: Use Habit Stacking

Use habit stacking to make a new habit super obvious, e.g.. “After [CURRENT HABIT], I will [NEW HABIT].” 

• After making coffee, I will write letters.

• Before checking my email, I will write a thank you note.

• While I wait in the school pick-up line, I will write a thank you note.

• Every time I go to the post office to mail a package, I will also mail a letter.

What are some existing habits you can stack with your letter-writing habit?

Letter-Writing Habit Hack #4:  Design Your Environment

Design your environment to make cues of good letter-writing habits visible and obvious. We recommend that you:

• Set up a space on your desk for letter-writing.

• Have a stash of attractive cards, nice pens, and stamps ready

• Keep a list of your closest friends and family members, with their birthdays, children’s names, and snail mail addresses.  You can use our template here.

• If you’re writing letters on the go, keep a pouch full of cards, pens, and stamps in your bag or car.

How are you designing a positive letter-writing environment?

Letter-writing Habit Hack #1: Identify as a Letter-Writer

We love James Clear’s amazing book ATOMIC HABITS for giving us easy, proven tactics to develop better letter-writing habits.

Clear’s first rule is: develop identity-based habits. Since we are our identity, or how we see ourselves and who we want to be, identity-based habits keep us motivated on subconscious and conscious levels. Our habits become actions that reinforce who we are.

Why identify with being a good letter-writer?   We’ve previously shared that hand-written notes help you say thank you, celebrate milestones, and deepen relationships.  

Here are some reasons you might wish to identify as a good letter-writer, based on the three types of hand-written notes we shared in our previous post.

1. Say Thank You

When you write a thank you note, you are someone who is: 

• Humble, grateful, thoughtful, loving

• Conscientious and self-disciplined

• Good at reciprocating

• Committed to treating everyone with respect

• Willing to go extra mile to make others feel seen

• Inspired to make someone’s day with small acts of kindness

• Confident and knows their words are powerful

2. Celebrate Milestones

When you write a note to celebrate a milestone, you are someone who is: 

• Thoughtful, caring, and kind

• Committed to lifting others up and celebrating their accomplishments

• Good at keeping their promises

• Positive and sees life as full of reasons to celebrate

• Aware of the importance of rituals and marking milestones

3. Deepen Relationships

When you write a note to deepen relationships, you are someone who is: 

• Loving and who values close relationships with others

• Able to be honest and vulnerable 

• Curious about learning from others’ experiences

• Wise and able to help others connect to their higher purpose or meaning

• Creative, including using written word, paper, or drawing to express and reveal  themselves in novel, fun, or humorous ways.

What identity attributes do you associate with letter-writing?  No matter what types of letters you write, you can aspire to build the habits of being a good letter-writer.

Hack Your Letter-Writing Habit with Atomic Habits

Write_On is all about developing better letter-writing habits. Research shows that repeating a habit 30 times helps it become ingrained. And, luckily, we now have plenty of research on how to develop strong habits. James Clear’s ATOMIC HABITS is our favorite book on habit formation, so we’ll be using his easy, practical steps as a guide to help you hack your letter-writing habit.  

The first thing to remember is that small habits make a big difference and that systems matter more than goals. So, while our goal with Write_On is to write 30 letters in 30 days, we’re actually using that goal to help you create SYSTEMS to keep up a good letter-writing habit.  If you don’t write 30 letters, no worries. Just follow along and do what you can.

What is a Letter and Why Does it Matter?

In today’s digital world, it’s helpful to remember what a letter is, and why it matters.

A letter is a hand-written note of any length. 

There are many types of notes. Our top three are letters that:

1. Say Thank You – The most common is the thank you note – which can be sent after receiving an act of kindness or service, or a gift of any kind. 

2. Celebrate Achievements  – Handwritten notes can also be sent on special occasions to celebrate milestones, e.g. a birthday, graduation, new baby.  

3. Deepen Relationships  – Longer letters can be sent to share stories, inspiration, and quotes, which deepen connections.  Letters can also be used creatively to create a pen-pal correspondence – for example, taking turns asking and asking a meaningful question, like “What matters most to you and why?” 

Many handwritten letters can do all three!  Handwritten notes matter because, while they are not instantaneous, a thoughtful note on a hand-crafted card is personal, tangible, and inspiring. It is as unique as a fingerprint. Your written words of appreciation, celebration, and authentic feeling, are one of your most enduring legacies. Handwritten letters have been used by biographers to understand the lives of people across time. You can make your mark through hand-written notes, too.

Past-Self Pen Pal: A letter story by Marti Esther

My therapist’s eyes soften. “To your past-self,” she says. 

“A meditation. An act of love.” I sit while the baby sleeps 

and I write to my new pen pal, my sixteen-year-old self.

I know it all feels so impossible sometimes. 

I know you feel things deeper than you’d like to. 

It may take years to learn that this is a gift, not a curse. 

I promise, the weight you carry won’t drown you. 

I promise, your happiness will be bigger someday 

than your pain ever was.

Be gentle with yourself as you go. 

I will meet you here.

I am so proud of you. 

I know you would be so proud of me, too. 

Love, 

Marti

Read more of Marti’s poetry and hear her music on Instagram @martimarie