TIPS FOR LETTERS OF CELEBRATION

  • You don’t have to write a novel (unless you want to), but be sure your note is personal. Show the reader you didn’t just remember their birthday or are sending a card to celebrate their engagement out of obligation. You want them to know that you’re truly thinking about them, that you dedicated time to pause and share your delight for their exciting life event.

  • Tailor your letter to the recipient. Pass on a specific wish for the newlyweds, write your favorite memory of a shared experience for a friend’s birthday, or a recollection of their nerves on the first day of med school, congratulating them on how far they’ve come as they earn their degree as a doctor.

  • Be yourself and write how you speak – let your unique voice shine through – it feels more personal that way. Use phrases and expressions that will help the reader recognize you in your writing. If done right, your recipient can feel as if you’re right there with them, having a conversation.

TIPS FOR LETTERS OF GRATITUDE

  • Gratitude isn’t just for material gifts; small favors, selfless tasks, and gestures of goodwill are ripe for acknowledgement too. Taking time to consider what’s good in your life and spreading gratitude can have an incredible ripple effect on your happiness and that of others.

  • Make your letters of gratitude specific. Skip the generic expressions of gratitude which could be written by anyone and said about anything to quantify the benefits of a physical gift to your life. Perhaps that new coffee maker saves you 15 minutes every morning that you can now use to read the newspaper.

  • Be genuine. Use caution with flowery language and hyperbole which can be perceived as exaggerated or insincere.

  • Appreciate the thought that went into the gift. Acknowledge the insight of the gifter - whether the gift speaks to your character, taste, specific needs or wants.

  • Timeliness can strengthen your message. If you write promptly after a gift is received, the giver will likely feel a double dose of appreciation - your expedience gives more power to the sentiment.

  • Conversely, it can be nice to send a thank you whenever you happen to be thinking of the gift or gesture, even if it was in the distant past - this says that their actions have had a lasting impact.

  • Honor thoughtfulness when you feel it! Favors and gestures big and small deserve to be recognized, as do quality time and festive occasions. Any time is a good time to let your people know when something brings joy and meaning to your life.

TIPS FOR LETTERS OF SUPPORT

  • We all experience adversities in our lives, some heavier than others, but all valid and packed with emotions across the spectrum. It’s our human nature to want to support friends and loved ones, lift spirits, encourage perseverance, and show care for their wellbeing. Making space in your letter writing practice to support the people in your life is important. The impact isn’t always visible or acknowledged by the recipient, but reaching out in times of need can have a huge impact.

  • As much as possible, put yourself in the position of the recipient - what would you want to hear in your own time of need? Share your experience, but be cautious not to push advice.

TIPS FOR LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE

  • We can’t remove the complex emotions of pain no matter how hard we try, it’s not that simple. Instead of approaching your letter writing with the pressure to offer a cure or to heal their pain, think of yourself as a helper. In that capacity, what can you do? Be present and find a way to tell them “I am here.”

  • When we suffer a loss, it can be easy to neglect everyday needs. When you write to comfort someone going through a loss and want to do something to help, avoid open-ended offers like “let me know what I can do.” Instead make specific actionable suggestions to take burdens off their plate. “Let me pick up Aunt Susan when she lands next week” or “Please let me host your family for Easter this year! Don’t bring a thing, just come over at 10am for brunch.”

  • As tempting as it might be to jot inspirational messages from a quick online search, avoid using cliches as a crutch if possible. They may be perceived as insincere, or feel inauthentic. Use your own voice and try to offer hope.

  • People grieving often have a hard time seeing past their immediate pain and can feel significant hopelessness. If you’ve experienced something similar, sharing your story may help the recipient feel less alone. It also may offer a seed of hope, knowing that you came through it. Be mindful not to assume you know how they’re feeling. Steer clear of statements like “I know exactly how you feel” or “I understand what you’re going through.” We all process differently, and to assume you know how they’re feeling may end up belittling their pain.

TIPS FOR LETTERS OF RECONCILIATION

  • To mess up is human, and we all mess up from time to time. Letter writing can help us admit it, learn from it, and let it go. Reaching out to apologize isn’t easy, and it involves some risk: fear of rejection, judgement, or even retaliation. That said, putting your apology out there can not only let the recipient know that you're thinking of them, but also help us process feelings of burden, guilt, shame, and regret. By taking time to intentionally write your apology, you are endeavoring to heal you both. A letter can also be a nice way to give yourself time and space to be rational and composed.

  • Accepting responsibility doesn’t mean taking the blame and an apology letter is not necessarily the place to ask for forgiveness. State your truth, but be willing to accept any consequences. Best not to rehash or replay the incident - you can’t undo it and it implies the person you hurt wasn’t there or paying attention. And, more importantly, it may make them re-live a painful experience. Instead think about your intention then or now, and own your part by thinking of ways in which you might have been insensitive without realizing it.